More than conquerors.

I recently relapsed in my fight with anxiety. I became so afraid that I began to let how I was feeling about an incident consume my every thought. I found myself planning how I could run away to safety, along with my family, and never face this scary situation ever again. I wanted to personally guarantee that my family would be safe— no matter how much joy, fun, or freedom I would need to sacrifice. As a parent, the hardest thing I have ever done is to release my fear of something bad happening to my children. When faced with a potential threat (or the idea of), everything in me says that I— as long as I worry enough, am proactive enough, and overthink enough— I can in fact guarantee my children’s safety. It all depends on me and only in my care will they find complete protection. But this time around, knowing what I know of God’s promises and his protection displayed already in my life, I was challenged by how I responded to my fear. Fear didn’t have the complete control that it had in the past. Because of how God has shown up in my life, I recognized his presence in this moment. Even though I was afraid. This feeling delicately urged me to choose a different route this time, to trust in God, fully. And to believe that he really is good, he really is faithful, and he really is all of the things I am always saying are true about him. It was time for me to physically step out in faith, and release control. In what seemed in the moment to mirror the story of Abraham giving up Isaac, I felt like I had to trust God with my children. And because of how he showed up for Abraham, I could know that God would also show up for me.

God always planned to provide the sacrifice, he just wants us to bring the faith.

So yes, God allowed me to stumble. But I wasn’t alone. I could feel his constant presence in the background of my fret. I felt the reality of the fear, and struggled with the very real temptation to run and hide. But this time I remembered what was at stake. A generational tendency of fear, worry, and anxiety. A sin that I vowed not to pass on. A temptation of the enemy that I have chosen to call out— and put an end to right here, right now. Anxiety, you will not be passed on to my kids. Fear, you will not steal my joy. Worry, you will not keep me up all night. I will show my children an example of a woman and a mother who is not consumed and controlled by fear or circumstance. A mom who does not back down in the face of the enemy— who does not sacrifice her present peace for a facade of security. At the height of the tension, when I had to choose to stay and face the fear or to run away and hide. I chose to be stronger. I chose to fight. I did something the old me would not have been able to do. But I did it. And I know that my kids saw me. And more importantly than what they saw is the lesson I taught them of what is happening that we cannot see— the real yet unseen battle that is happening all around us. And the strength we have as believers whose hope is in the Lord. Did you know there are warrior angels surrounding us, being commanded by God on our behalf? (Psalm 91:11) And if we believe as though it has happened, do you know we can ask for anything and it will be done? (Mark 11:24) And when we are disheartened by the darkness in this world, do you know that we can always find joy in the shelter of his wings? (Psalm 63:7) Do you really know all of this to be true? I do. And by knowing this, I am more than a conquerer.

“Yet even in the midst of all these things, we triumph over them all, for God has made us to be more than conquerors, and his demonstrated love is our glorious victory over everything!” Romans 8:37 (Passion Translation)

*My mom has always been my greatest encourager. She pointed me to Psalm 91 as I laid awake at night in contemplation. I wanted to include that reference here for anyone that struggles with fear and anxious thoughts. These words brought me strength and peace in the midst of the storm.

Reclaim your Monday.

The above picture is my office today. For some of you, that is a very overwhelming site and for others, this picture gives me credibility. All of you who are in that second group– I see you. The topic I chose to dive in to today is something that I have been REALLY struggling with lately. The title itself is actually overwhelming me. Reclaiming your Monday? That sounds much easier said than done. I actually think sometimes, Satan waits for Monday. After the joy of Sunday, it is so like him to take advantage of the trying moments as we come off the weekend high of friends, family, and fun. He comes to steal, kill and destroy, right? And although, many times, we may disregard our bad days as, “a case of the Mondays”, what if it is actually a case of the enemy intentionally stealing our joy?

So, here’s the truth: As I am writing this post, it’s actually a Wednesday. And although this Wednesday feels like a Monday, it’s technically not and I just wanted to be honest about that up front. Glad I got that off my chest! Now let’s get back to the hard stuff. As I started writing today, Wednesday, I had baby down for nap, coffee ready, and notes and computer set up in front of me. After only a few typed words, my daughter started yelling, “mom!!”, at the top of her lungs from down the hallway. And as I ran back to her, whisper screaming that she needed to stop or she would wake the baby, I heard the startled cry of a little one who is not even close to finished with his nap but is now awake. And to make it worse? I got to my daughter and she forgot what she needed to ask me. This had Monday written all over it— but mind you, it is a Wednesday. So, with a motivated spirit I quickly latched baby to my chest and continued writing from my phone. Which is where I currently sit. After a few desperate sucks baby is back to sleep— and thoroughly enjoying his much warmer napping nest, nuzzled up in mommy’s arms. And I’m actually back to writing! 

As I began to wrestle with this topic, earlier this week on an actual Monday, I started to think the answer to reclaiming your Monday was really quite simple: God’s grace applies to ALL THE DAYS. God’s grace covers us right here, right now, and at this very moment. We don’t have to wait until Tuesday for a fresh start, and another go at it— no. We can reclaim the day, today. Even if it’s a Monday. But, let’s be real. How can we find God’s grace when it is covered in all of our dirty laundry? (Literally and figuratively) How can we push ourselves to overcome that gigantic pile of negativity, exhaustion and that overwhelming feeling to just give up? I’m literally in the thick of it right at this moment. My daughter woke baby again— through another long string of events I’m not going to include here. And it’s blowing my mind that attempting to write for an hour has literally shaken this house like an earthquake. I sit down quietly, in a moment of defeat. And there it is again, the same thing I was thinking of a few days ago— grace. But not just for me, for my little ones, and for my home, and even for my to-do list. What is ALWAYS evident in the way that God works in me is his grace. When I’m struggling, like I am today, I feel his presence. His calm and steady hand still leading me. And I love how it’s never, I told you so— but always, I’m still here. I want nothing more than to have that same steadfast love and open arms for my little ones when they struggle as well. I think Mondays are tough on all of us, including the kids. And although the enemy loves keeping us so wrapped up in what is going wrong that we can barely see past our current chaos— God’s perfect grace, given in love, covers it all. All we have to do is remember it. Remembering God’s grace changes everything. And lathering it on heavy for days like today is essential for salvaging those chaotic moments and using them for reflecting God’s presence and love, despite all that is going wrong.

“Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter,  for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7