I’ve shared this with a few people already, but I wanted to put myself out there and share a few of the details of what God has been working on in me the last couple of weeks. The past 7 years I haven’t flown on a plane. This has been a place of tension for me because before having Violet I travelled all of the time, all over, and loved every part of it. Well, my husband’s work recently offered me an all expenses paid trip for my youngest and I to fly out and meet him in California for a few days over New Years, everything covered. But I had to decide in only a few minutes. Randy encouraged me to just say yes. Maybe it would be even easier for me if I was forced to make the quick decision, he said. So in a moment of whimsy, I told them to go ahead and buy my ticket!
As I was thinking about sharing the exciting news of my restored valor I thought— wait, I can’t share this. What if I don’t get myself on the plane? What will it say about my faith? Saying yes to the flight was huge for me— a tangible example of God’s rescue and healing at work in my life. But it was starting to become clear that in order to experience complete healing, I had to say yes. I had to physically pick up my mat, walk and be healed. I had to get on the plane. As I was learning this I also began to recognize, throughout the process of restoration, that God loves you no matter what. But this also means He loves you too much to want to see you make a forever home in your pit. Like a good friend who speaks the truth instead of what you want to hear, God will encourage you and strengthen you as you make the tough decision to step out in faith and become the best version of yourself. The fearless, joy filled, limitless version of you that encourages others and sends the enemy running. And don’t worry if you aren’t there yet. When you don’t have the strength to climb out right away, and you end up camped in uncertainty for a few months (or years in my case), He still loves you. Even if I don’t get on the plane— don’t worry Randy I will— but even if I don’t, God still loves me just as much. His love is not contingent on what I do or how strong I am. His love isn’t based on having a picture perfect faith. It’s based on trust. A trust that carries us through life’s biggest moments and every breath in between.
After my run, as I was putting my thoughts together for this post, I took a picture. I almost didn’t add it because of how messy the background was. The girls can’t seem to keep there art cabinet organized or even the supplies put away for that matter. But this doesn’t change how much I love them. And our messes don’t change how much we are loved by our Father in heaven. He loves us no matter what. He loves us despite the mess. He loved us first. And another cool thing? God uses those around you to speak life and affirmation over you. In this case He used my husband. Before he left for his trip he pulled me aside. Without knowing what I was thinking, he repeated the same message God was telling me, “Get on the plane, we’re going to have so much fun. But if for some reason you can’t. It doesn’t bother me. I love you.”
So I am choosing to live free from anxiety and fear. Jesus already paid the price for my ticket, my new life found by trusting in Him. And I’m getting on that plane.
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. John 5:8-9