“Sometimes the world seems against you
The journey may leave a scar
But scars can heal and reveal just
Where you are
The people you love will change you
The things you have learned will guide you
And nothing on earth can silence
The quiet voice still inside you
And when that voice starts to whisper
Moana, you’ve come so far
Do you know who you are?”
This song has always resonated with me—So much so I actually had it playing as I pushed out my third baby. Recently I’ve realized, for me, this song is a vessel for worship. As I examined the lyrics I began to see why it is so beautiful to me and almost seems to be written from my own soul.
Seven years ago my path changed. I was walking in one direction, thinking I knew where I was going and what I wanted and what was important in this life. And then I became a mom. And that is my favorite thing in the world. However, a few weeks after it was clear I also became one of the many moms that suffer with postpartum anxiety and depression. I remember a longing for a quick fix or an instantaneous recovery. I cried on the bathroom floor for release. Little did I know this was just the beginning of a journey that would be years in the making. Looking back today I am thankful God didn’t leave me where I was before I encountered these struggles. Looking back it’s so easy to see why God allowed my path to be changed forever. Looking back I know the way I was experiencing life at that time was shallow, all about me. I am still not finished. But the broken pieces that are being put back together in my life are so much stronger than before. I wouldn’t want to go back to the fragile form I once was. I wouldn’t choose the life without the pain.
I know it’s always easier when you’re looking back. Looking forward is hard. Looking forward is scary, as you try to find a safe path forward into the unknown. But when you trust the one who made you, lean in and really trust who you are in him, it’s a little bit easier. So, who am I?
I’m a girl who loves her savior
A child of the king
He calls me
He delivered me to where I am
I will journey farther
I am everything I’ve been through and more and still he calls me
I was made for this.
Despite everything I’ve done, God still calls me. God still has more for me. I may not always understand the why of my circumstances at the moment but I know the way maker and he is going to give me more than I ever asked for in his name. (Ephesians 3:20)
“And the call isn’t out there at all, it’s inside me
It’s like the tide; always falling and rising
I will carry you here in my heart you’ll remind me
That come what may
I know the way”
I Am Moana (Song of the Ancestors) lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company